Midterm Critique

Two subjects that I have always connected are psychology and art. I believe that art is a direct reflection on psyche, emotions, etc. I have learned this semester that my art comes alive when I reflect on my own mind; thoughts, struggles, fears. This is not always the easiest thing to do-but it is serves as a source of passion. I am able to utilize this process to break down and interpret things that are relevant in my life. This is exactly what I have been exploring during the course of the semeste

My initial thought was to create a self portrait with distorted, melting eyes. I'm sure everyone has heard the expression, "the eyes are the window to the soul". Human beings have a unique trait which allows for communication with just our eyes. We are able to interpret emotions, detect fear, joy, anger, etc by analyzing eyes. The process of sight itself began as a universal reaction to environmental stimuli but has evolved into its own form of communication. Eyes are the most sincere part of the face-the dilation and constriction of pupils is completely involuntary. I began the semester doing amateur sketches of these melting eyes but unfortunately I knew these drawings weren't capturing the essence I was aiming for. They were looking more like "1980's horror movie posters". I started to become infatuated with tying the process of melting and eyes together. Melting is the transitional phase between a solid and a liquid, quite literally breaking down. I wanted to use this "breaking down" to exhibit an overflow of authentic and raw vulnerability.

The idea behind vulnerability, something that absolutely terrifies me. The uncertainty, risk, feeling of being exposed associated with this word leaves me incredibly nervous and uncomfortable; yet something it is something I crave. Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences. It may be viewed as a weakness to some, but in my eyes it is the ultimate act of courage. To be able to express your innermost thoughts, feelings, fears to others despite the fear of being "judged" or "rejected" is an act of bravery. This is a messy process and not one that will occur spontaneously. Similar to the process of melting-this will take time to break down the hard exterior that I have built up over so many years.

Like I previously said, the original self portrait idea was not being executed in a way that I felt was capturing the genuine emotion and intimacy. So I decided to scratch that. Here I am after class presentations feeling lost, dedicating a blog post to how I felt as if I was treading water. It was suggested that I start creating these melting, messy art pieces and utilize them as an abstract representation of myself. A way to intertwine the ideas that I have had throughout the course of the semester into one. I absolutely loved the idea but it was intimating to me and I was preoccupied on the materials aspect.

I decided to spend the past few weeks testing different materials and techniques to create the pieces. I am still in the experimental phase and have not completely hit the mark yet-but i am hopeful that this will soon come. I began with acrylic paint and pouring honey on a canvas, which gave off a "wet" appearance. I also melted wax using crayons and tried smearing charcoal. I have been looking at Jackson Pollock's method of painting and tried to mimic it on the canvas with the purple, black and white paint. I began squeezing the paint in an active motion which I feel gives the piece a more aggressive feel. I have provided my work from the beginning sketches to the most recent pieces I have created. I have been working with limited resources but I am just trying to navigate my way through this idea. Believe me, I am not the biggest fan of radioactive neon yellow but I like the flow and texture that was created in this piece. This is a project that I hold near and dear to my heart.